A Day in Hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum  chum?
Guy:  What do you think?  I'm in hell.
 

Demon:  Hell's not so bad.  We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy:  Sure,  I love to drink.  Love the drinks.

Demon:  Well you're gonna love Mondays then.  On  Mondays that's all we do is drink.  Whiskey,  tequila,  Guinness,  wine coolers,  diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy:  Gee that sounds great.

Demon:  You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it!  Love the smoking.

Demon:  Alright!  You're gonna love Tuesdays.  We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out.  If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy:  Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon:  I bet you like to gamble.
Guy:  Why  yes  as a matter of fact  I do.  Love the gambling.
Demon:  Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want.  Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...  If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon:   You into drugs?
Guy:  Are you kidding?  Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon:  That's right!  Thursday is drug day.  Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack.  Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares!  O.D.!!
 

Guy:  Yowza!  I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You a murderer
Guy:  Uh  no.
Demon:  Ooooh  (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

Pathetic PJs

Q: Why is Sunday stronger than Monday?
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 Think Think....
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 Its because....
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 Monday is a Weak Day....
 _____________________________________
 Q: Which is the safest way to see a shark?
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 Ans: On Television....
 _____________________________________

 A FANTASTIC PJ:
 Q: What would Baby Corn say To Mom Corn?
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 Guess plz....
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 He'll ask:
 "Where is Pop Corn?"

 _____________________________________
 Q: What is the full form of CNBC ???
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 It means....
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 Cartoon Network for Business Community !!

 _____________________________________

 Q: Do u know what is the meaning of PYAR?
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 Some friends sitting on the table in a BAR.....
 & saying.....
 "P - YAAR"

 _____________________________________

 Q1) What is it that RAM can do but RAVAN cant?
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 A: Wear a T-SHIRT.


 Q2) What is it that RAVAN can do but RAM cant?
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 A: Group discussion when he is alone.

 _____________________________________

 Q: Why did Ram Gopal Varma made 'Phoonk'?
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 ?
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 ANS:
 Uski Picchli 'AAG' ko bujhaane ke liye....

 _____________________________________
 Q: What do u call a 800 year old Hanuman Temple ???
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 Guess???
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 Give it a shot....
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 MARUTI 800!!!

 _____________________________________
Dharam Paaji subscribed to Hutch. But the hutch network did not
 follow him.
 Why?
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 Bcoz the Dog was afraid,
 'Kutte! Main tera khoon pee jaunga.'

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 Q: Agar Bengali ka phone kat jaaye, to woh kya kahega?
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 Socho....
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 Kol-Kata.....

 _____________________________________

 Q: Dada Kondake opened a Bank in the memory of his Mother's
 Grandmother
 i.e.. Great Grandmother.
 What did he name the bank?
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 Think!
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 "I CHI I CHI I" Bank.

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 Q: Ek Kaana Ladka kisi ladki ko propose kare to kaunsa song gaayega?
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 Ek NAZAR se bhi pyar hota hai, Maine suna hai....
_____________________________________

 Bear this PJ !!
 Q: What is the difference between Paneer Masala and Paneer 'Tikka'
 Masala??
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 Think!
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 Think!
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 Simple!
 The Latter is Vaccinated...!!

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 Q: Why did the Tightrope Walker visit the ATM?
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 Think....
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Ans: To check his balance....
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 UNBEATABLE PJ:

 Q: According to Gabbar, Sher Ka Bacha Kaun hai??
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 ANS:
 HOLI.
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 How?
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 Coz....
 He Keeps Saying...
 "Holi CUB hai,
 CUB hai Holi...."

Air Travellers Problems

Things, Indian Movies taught us

1. While defusing bomb, don't worry which wire to cut; you will always cut the right wire
2. Hero will show no pain when beaten, but will show pain when a heroine cleans the wound
3. If hero is a Policewala, he can solve any case only when he's suspended
4. If hero decides to dance on street, everyone he meets will know the steps

Never drink and Brag

A Pakistani, Bangladeshi and a Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

 

The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'

 

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by] this drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the  glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either..'

 

The Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'

I knew a ....

*I knew a**ツ**girl that was so stupid that........*
1. She called me to get my phone number.
2. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice boxツbecause it said 'concentrate.'
3. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
4. She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order..
5. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
6. She tried to drown a fish.
7. She thought a quarterback was a refund.
8. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
9. She tripped over a cordless phone.
10. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. ツ

11. She asked for a price check at the dollar store.
12. She studied for a blood test.
13. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
14. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
15. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twiceツinstead.
16. When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said 'Airport Left'; she turned around and went home.

Andhra Pradesh's 7 Wonders

1. Ileeana Nadumu
2. Bhumika Lips
3. Trisha Smile
4. Genelia looks
5. Sneha Jada
6. Shreya Meda

and the seventh one is ..........

Balayya Thoda

SMS Jokes - 4 Adults

A faithful husband is one who Always Thinks of his wife while sleeping with other women. Rather than thinking of other women while sleeping with his wife!

Begum: Will you build a Taj Mahal for me if I die?

Husband: Darling, I have already purchased the land. The delay in on your part.

Doctor 2 Pregnant Girl: How did this happen?

Girl: When mom and Dad went to a movie, my boy friend came over.

Doc: Why didn't you go?

Girl: It was an adult film and I wasn't allowed to.

Telugu movies directed by software engineer

1. Intlo bava, office lo java
2. "C" veerudu C++ sundari
3. Nee password naku telusu
4. Program raddam ra
5. Intlo Virus, Vantintlo antivirus
6. C drive lo Illalu, D drive lo Priyuralu
7. Floppy days
8. Kotha software lokam