Monday, December 19, 2016

ABCDEFGHIJK

*After 15 years of marriage, a wife asked her husband to describe her.  He looked at her slowly and without blinking an eye, said:* *ABCDEFGHIJK.*
  *"What does that mean?" she asked.*   
*"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous and Hot" he replied*.   
*Smiling, she asked: What about IJK?*   
*He replied: I'm Just Kidding!* 
 😜😛😍😄

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Corruption

😀😀👌👏School Group Photo Planning!!.......

😸Headmaster to Photographer "Rs 20 is too much. There are 2000 students, Charge Only Rs 10/- its sufficient!!

😉 Headmaster To Teachers " Please tell all Kids to Get Rs 30/ each - for their Photo tomorrow 

😋 Teacher In Class to Kids " Listen all must Get Rs 50/- from home tomoro for the photoshoot!! 
.
Kids Discuss : 😠 These teachers are taking us for a ride, each photo is only Rs 20, with the balance money they will in their Room order snacks & samosas & all have a Party and we get a diddly!! There is No Honesty Nowadays!!

At home-
😜The Naughty Kid  : Mom, The Teachers have asked Us to Get Rs 100 each for the Group Class Photo!! .. . .

👵Mom  : Rs 100??!! 😧
Total Loot that is !! Then will all enjoy with Our Money! Just Wait Now I'll have To get it from Dad

Mom To Dad : 👦 Are You Listening, these school People have Gone Mad, they want Rs 200/- for the Group Photo from each Kid! Ridicoulous!! 👻😂😆😆

👉NOW where Will this Corruption End?? 

*AND What Can Poor Modi Do?? * 😂😂😂😂😂

HoneyMoon Package :-)


Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Life lessons

In Delhi, there was a Samosa vendor. His shop was in front of a Big company. His Samosa was so tasty.! Most of the employees use to eat that samosa at lunch time.

One day, a Manager came to that samosa wala. while he was eating samosa he comes in the fun mood.

he asks a question – yaar Raju, you have maintained your shop so nicely.
you have good management skills. don’t you think that you are wasting
your talent and time by selling just Samosas?

Think, if you were working like me in any big company. you would have been a manager like me isn’t ?

poor samosa wala… he smiled at the manager and said awesome lines.

Sir, I thought my work is better than your work. do u know why?
10 years back I used to sell samosa in tokari (Leaf basket). At same time you got this job. That time I was earning Rs. 1,000 in a month and your salary was 10K.
In this 10 years of journey, we did progress a lot.
I owned a shop and became famous samosa-wala in this area and you became a manager.
Now you are earning Rs. 1 lakh while I am earning same and sometimes more than you. So surely, I can say that my work is better than yours.
it’s because of my kids future.

Let me explain –
Please pay close attention to my word. I started my career at lowest income. my son doesn’t have to suffer the same. One day my son will take over my business. He doesn’t have to start from 0. He will get fully established business, but in your case, the benefits will be taken by your boss kids, not by your kids.
you can not offer your same post to your son /daughter. They have to start from 0. Whatever you have suffered 10 years ago, your kids have to suffer the same.

My son will extend my business from now and when your kid will be manager my son will be far away.

Now tell me who is wasting the Talent and Time.

Manager gave Rs.50 for two samosa’s and he didn’t speak any word and left.


Good Lesson to become Entrepreneur

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Being husband is a tough job

When I reached office, I got a call from my wife...

"what is the date today?" .. 

I was wondering..then told her 10th September.

...call disconnected...

i was wondering..

her birthday? No...mine...No... anniversary...no..son's birthday ...no...in laws birthday anniversary...no...

gas booking..done...utility payments done...

her uncle who arrives when we want to go out, sqat and kill us and our time...his birthday ...no... 

Then?!   Why date??? 

Lunch and evening tea went with spinning questions...

reached home... 

Junior was playing in car park... 

Asked him....

how is the weather in kitchen? Tornado... tsunami???... 

Boy told " all normal. Why?".." 

your mom asked me..what is the date today in the morning?"... 

Boy smiled and told me..." I tore some sheets from calendar in morning...she was confused..". Haaaa... 

Being husband is a tough job.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Monsoon woes

*Dear Monsoon,*
Please don't be so _romantic._
We do not have girlfriends who will wear chiffon sarees and dance in the rains.
We only have wives who will make us run to the terrace and bring in clothes hung out for drying...
-All married men.
😏😰😀

The female version of Monsoon Msg 

Dear Monsoon ...
Please don't be so romantic.
We do not have cool boyfriends who will take us on a romantic ride.
We have husbands who will ask us to go into the kitchen and prepare tea and Pakodas.
-All wives.😏😰😀😜

Clever


Thought process

Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged 

Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ? 

(This is called "Positive Thinking" 😄😄)

Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.

Doc :- How come???

Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet... 😜

(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" 👍)

A Man wrote to SBI. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".

(This is self confidence in its peak 😂😂)

Friday, July 8, 2016

Optimism

Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged 

Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ? 

(This is called "Positive Thinking" 😄😄)

Lady to her dietician :- What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.

Doc :- How come???

Lady :- According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet... 😜

(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" 👍)

A Man wrote to SBI. "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".

(This is self confidence in its peak 😂😂)

Saturday, June 11, 2016

How various wives fight with their respective husbands

🙋 How various wives fight with their respective husbands

Pilot's wife:
Zyada udo mat
 
Teacher's wife:
Mujhe mat sikhaao

Dhobi's wife:
Dho dungi

Actor's wife:
Naatak mat karo

Dentist's wife:
Daat tod dungi

CA's wife::
Hisaab se raho

Engineer's wife:
Sab parts dhile kar dungi

Architect's wife:
Sidhe raho nahi to face ki design change kar dungi

& the Best one

Marketing person's wife:
Zyada bologe to OLX pe bech dungi..🙋😂😂😛
Thanks to the creator

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Poem

GOA RADIO ORGANISED A
POEM'S COMPETITION, IN WHICH THE FIRST LINE MUST BE ROMANTIC, BUT  SECOND LINE SHOULD BE THE OPPOSITE....

Here is the prize winning poem...

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,

Marrying you messed up my life.

I see your face when I am  dreaming,

That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,

This describes everything you are not.

I love your smile, your face and your eyes,

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My feelings for you, no words can tell,

Except for may be 'Go to hell'

Friday, May 6, 2016

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Gratitude

Taxation

Women eye test

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Restaurant signboard


A signboard outside a restaurant read "eat as much as you can, your grand children will pay the Bill"... A man entered the restaurant and ate as he could, got a toothpick and was relaxing when the waiter gave him the bill he laughed and pointed to the signboard, don't you see, "only my grandchildren will pay" The waiter replied, "This is not your bill, it's your grandfather's Bill"........the man fainted.... Don't laugh alone.....🍵🍴🍧

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Indian parents' tough choices

Now Parents are confused about future of their kids...

Whether to send Kids to sell Tea 
and 

become like Modi...

Or

Send them to IIT 
and 
become like Kejriwal...

Or

Go Abroad 
and 
do nothing to become like Rahul Gandhi..

         !!! Hard Decision !!!

Or

Send him to Haridwar 
to get holy enlightenment 
and 
become someone like Ramdev Baba having annual incomes over Crores

OR

Send him to JNU to become * KANAHIYA*

 OR

leave him for getting result of ......
just 9th fail 
and 
become deputy CM like Tejaswi

OR

Go sell drinks & take a loan like Mallaya and fly to London

Very 
confusing &
Tough decision

English speaking

Chotu: Mummy, nuvvanni abhaddale cheptunnav.
Mom😡: I told u several times to speak in English.

Chotu  : Ok Mom u lied to me.
Mom : When my son. ?😕
Chotu : U said that my younger sis is an angel.
Mom : Yes, she is
Chotu  : So why didn't she fly when I threw her from our balcony? 
                                                                                                                                                                                           Mom : Orey... Donga sacchinoda...Champesta.....Ekkada padesavura....Em poyekalam ra????.

.
Chotu: relax mom,
was just checking if u still talk in English or not..

Sardar Review in Social Media:



క్రేజ్ అమ్మ మొగుడు పవన్ కళ్యాణ్ సరికొత్త చిత్రం సర్దార్ గబ్బర్ సింగ్ చూసా.... చూసా అనేకంటే చూడాల్సి వచ్చింది... జానీ అపజయం తర్వాత పవన్ కళ్యాణ్,ఎట్టి పరిస్థితుల్లో గొప్ప సినిమా చెయ్యాలి అని అత్తారింటికి తర్వాత వేరే ఏ పని లేకుండా,వేరే ఎం సినిమాలు చూడకుండా ఫామ్ హౌస్ లో ప్రకృతి లో మమేకం అయ్యి రాసుకున్న కథ సర్దార్ గబ్బర్ సింగ్....

ఈయన నోట్లో పెన్ను పెట్టుకుని దీర్ఘం గా ఆలోచిస్తూ  కథ రాస్తున్నప్పుడే మహేష్ ఆగడు రవితేజ కిక్ 2 తీసారు.... ఈ రెండు సినిమా ల సమాహారం గా వచ్చిన మూడవ మణి రత్నం సర్దార్ గబ్బర్ సింగ్... 2 గంటల 43 నిమిషాల ఈ చిత్ర అనుభూతి మాటల్లో చెప్పలేను....కాని ఇంత గొప్ప చిత్రాల గురించి మాట్లాడకపోతే అది చారిత్రిక తప్పిదం

మానవత్వం మంట కలిసింది
మంచి తనం మట్టి కొట్టుకు పోయింది
దరిద్రం డిస్కో డాన్స్ ఆడింది
దౌర్భాగ్యం తొడ కొట్టి నవ్వింది

ఈ సినిమా లో హీరో హైదరాబాద్ లో పోలీస్.... ఆయన ఇంట్రడక్షన్ ఇండో నేపాల్ బోర్డర్ లో అవుద్దీ.... దేనికి అని అడిగితె డిప్ప మీద కొడతా....మేమడగకుండా చూడాలా....

తర్వాత హైదరాబాద్ వస్తే ఆ అబ్బాయ్ హీరో ని రత్తన్పూర్ ట్రాన్స్ఫర్ చేస్తారు....

హిరో వెళ్తాడు....హీరోయిన్ ఉంటది....విలన్ ఉంటాడు....

ఇక ఇక్కడ నుంచి స్టార్ట్ అయ్యా జజ్జినక.... షెడ్ కి వెళ్లిన సుమన్ శెట్టి,షెడ్ లో ఉన్నట్టుండే జబర్ దస్త్ గాంగ్ తో హీరో అల్లరి చేసి నవ్వులు పూయించాలని చుసిన విధానం చుస్తే ఒక రకం అయిన వైరాగ్యం బాధ జానీ సినిమా అన్ని గుర్తుకు వస్తాయి...

సినిమా స్టార్ట్ అయినప్పుడు ఒక నాలుగు కాయితాలు గాల్లోకి ఎగిరాయ్....అంతే ఆ తర్వాత జనాల ప్రాణాలు గాల్లోకి ఎగురుతాయ్

అసలు కొన్ని కారక్టర్స్ దేనికి ఉన్నాయో అర్ధం కాదు... ఓపెన్ చేసిన థ్రెడ్స్ క్లోజ్ అవ్వవ్....అసలు ఆ సినిమా నే

హిందీ డబ్బింగ్ సినిమాకి తెలుగు డైలాగ్స్ పెట్టి మలయాళం సబ్ టైటిల్స్ వేసి నేపాల్ లో రిలీజ్. చేసినంత నాన్ సింక్ లో ఉంటది ఈ సినిమా...

ఈ సినిమా లో 
పవన్ కళ్యాణ్ కి 16
విలన్ కి 6
హీరోయిన్ కి 4
బ్రహ్మి కి 2
ఆలీ కి 3
ముకేష్ ఋషి కి 3

మిగతా ప్రతి వాడికి ఒక్కోటి చొప్పున ఇంట్రడక్షన్ సీన్స్ ఉన్నాయి.... స్లో మో షాట్స్.... కెమెరా యాంగిల్స్ ఎడిటింగ్ కట్స్ బాక్ గ్రవుండ్ మ్యూజిక్ ఇలా అన్ని ఉన్నాయ్....

కాజల్ మొదటి సారి ముసలి గా కనిపిస్తే ఆయన మరో సారి ముసలి గా ఉన్నారు...

బ్రహ్మి నవ్వించటానికి పడిన కష్టం చుస్తే....అయ్యో పాపం అనిపిస్తుంది....

ఈ సినిమాలో లాజికల్ ఎర్రర్స్ మీద ఒక పుస్తకం ఎం ఖర్మ ఒక శాఖా గ్రంధాలయం పెట్టొచ్చు

బ్రహ్మి ఆలీ చేసే కామెడీ కంటే విలన్ సీరియస్ గా చేస్తుంటే ఎక్కువ నవ్వొచ్చింది నాకు....

పవన్ కళ్యాణ్ ఈ కథ రాయటం గొప్ప కాదు....ఈ కథ తో నిర్మాతని ఒప్పించటం గొప్ప.... సంపత్ నంది కి భారీ ప్రమాదం తృటి లో తప్పి ఆ బుల్లెట్ బాబి కి తగిలింది...మాడు పగిలింది

డైరెక్టర్ తన దర్శకత్వ ప్రతిభను చెలరేగి చూపించాడు... అయినా మనలో మన మాట..... లాస్ట్ ఓవర్ 168 రన్స్ కొట్టాలి ఒక వికెట్ ఉంది అన్నప్పుడు ఎవరు మాత్రం ఎం చేస్తాడు.... అదే చెయ్యగలిగాడు దర్శకుడు....కనీసం నాట్ ఔట్ గా మిగులుదాం అని చూసాడు కాని.....అతను కొట్టిన బంతి అటు పక్క ఉన్న బాట్స్మెన్ కి తగిలి గాల్లోకి లేచి కాచ్ ఇచ్చి ఔట్ ఆయాడు..... అక్కడ పవర్ క్రియేటివ్ కలం చెలరేగి పోయింది.....పవర్ బాబి గళం మూగబోయింది

సినిమా లో కామెడీ కి నవ్వు రాదు
సెంటిమెంట్ కి ఏడుపు రాదు
ఎమోషనల్ సీన్స్ లో కసి రాదు
పాటలలో రిలాక్సేషన్ రాదు
కాని టన్ను ల కొద్ది భయం లిటర్ల కొద్ది నిద్ర వస్తాయి....

పవన్ కళ్యాణ్ క్లైమాక్స్ లో వేసే నృత్య విశ్వరూపాన్ని ఆహా వెండి తేరా మీద మొండి గ చూడాల్సిందే....

పంచ్ డైలాగ్స్ దండి గ ఉన్నాయ్.... అందులో ఒకటి బ్రూస్లీ కి బాబాయ్ లా ఉన్నాడు అని...

కేవలం బ్రూస్లీ కి బాబాయ్ మాత్రం కాదు...మ్ తుఫాన్ కి బాబాయ్...ఆరెంజ్ కి బాబాయ్...వరుడు కి మామ...లోఫర్ కి బాబాయి.... 

ఒక శక్తి ఒక భాయ్ ఒక పరమ వీర చక్ర ఒక షాడో ఒక బాబి ఇవ్వన్ని ఒక ఎత్తు.... ఇదొక్కటే వాటాన్నిటి ఎత్తు....

1980 లో కథ బేస్ తో ఆగడు కిక్ 2 వస్తే... ఆ రెండిటి కథ మిక్సీ తో ఇది వచ్చింది.....

పవన్ కళ్యాణ్ కి కూడా ఫ్లాప్స్ వస్తాయి.... తప్పులు జరుగుతాయి...ఆయనేం అతీతుడు కాదు అని పవనిజ మతస్తులకి చెప్పటానికి చేసిన ఒక చిట్టి ప్రయత్నం సర్దార్.. 

ఈ సర్దార్ గబ్బర్ సింగ్ ని ఒక సర్దార్ జోక్ లా తీసుకుని వదిలెయ్యటమే.... 

ఆయన అభిమానులు సించుకుని రావచ్చు గాక...నా రివ్యూ వల్ల కలెక్షన్స్ తగ్గే రేంజ్ మీ హీరోది అనుకుంటే రండి... లేదా మీ మతం లో మాత్రమే బ్లాక్ బష్టర్ ని ఎంజాయ్ చెయ్యండి...ఒక రెండు రోజులు పట్టుద్ది మీకు మబ్బు ఇడతానికి.....

ధన్యవాదములు....!!

ఫేస్‌బుక్‌ స్నేహం పేరుతో మరో దారుణ మోసం

ఫేస్బుక్ స్నేహం పేరుతో మరో దారుణ మోసం

తానో సాఫ్ట్ వేర్ ఇంజినీర్ను అని నమ్మించాడు. మొదట స్నేహం అన్నాడు.
తర్వాత ప్రేమ అన్నాడు. నెమ్మదిగా పరిచయం పెంచుకున్నాడు.
అమ్మాయి వివరాలు, కుటుంబ నేపథ్యం తెలుసుకున్నాడు.
తేనేపూసిన కత్తిలా తీయని మాయ మాటలు చెప్పి ఆమె చిరునామా తెలుసుకున్నాడు.
బయట కలవటం నాకిష్టం ఉండదు..ఇంటికి వచ్చి కలుస్తాను అని మర్యాదస్తుడిలా మాట్లాడాడు.
ఒకరోజు మిట్ట మధ్యాహ్నం సమయంలో ఎవరూ లేని సమయం తెలుసుకుని ఇంటికి వచ్చాడు.
ఎవరూ రారని నిర్థారించుకున్నాడు. నెమ్మదిగా మాటల్లో దించాడు. అప్పటికే జేబులో సిద్ధం చేసుకున్న మత్తుమందు కలిపిన చాక్లెట్ తీసిచ్చాడు. అది తిన్న ఆ యువతి నెమ్మదిగా సోఫాలో మాట్లాడుతూ మగతగా తలవాల్చేసింది. వెంటనే అతనిలో మృగాడు నిద్ర లేచాడు. క్షణం కూడా ఆలస్యం చేయకుండా
వడివడిగా వంటింటిలోకి నడిచి తన వెంట తెచ్చుకున్న సంచీ నిండా వాటర్బాటిళ్లు సర్దేసుకున్నాడు.
అది చాలదన్నట్టు బీరువా తాళాలు పగలకొట్టి లోపల దాచిపెట్టిన నీళ్ల సీసాలు కూడా సంచీలో కుక్కుకుని పారిపోయాడు. కాసేపటికి స్పృహలోకి వచ్చిన ఆ యువతి, ఆమె బంధువులు బార్లా తీసున్న ఫ్రిజ్ తలుపులు, బీరువా తలుపులు చూసి బోరుమన్నారు.
గత వారంలో మంచినీటి దొంగలు వరుసగా పెట్రేగటంపై విపక్షాలు రుసరుసలాడయి.
దుండగుడిపై "భగీరథ" చట్టం కింద కేసు నమోదు చేయాలని ప్రతిపక్షాలు డిమాండ్ చేశాయి.

భవిష్యత్తులో మనం చదవబోయే వార్తలు ఇవే. 
జలో రక్షతి రక్షితః.
సుజలాం-సుఫలాం
...................

Saturday, April 2, 2016

HR Manager BF

Girl :- Lets go for a dinner tonight.

Boy (a HR Manager) :- Ok.

Girl :- But where will you take me?

Boy :- Should we go to Mint Food (an economic restaurant) ? 

Girl :- No. That's a very cheap place. Let's go to Tomato's (A brutally costly place).

Boy :- *silence for a minute* Ok, See you at 7. I will pick you up from your place.

Boy picks up girl at 7.

On the way...

Boy :- Once I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris and defeated me.

Girl :- What's so difficult in it?

Boy :- Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is difficult.

Girl :- I can easily beat you.

Boy :- Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.

Girl :- Let us have that competition right now.

Boy :- So you want to see yourself defeated?

Girl :- Let's see.

They both stop at a Pani-puri stall. 

They start eating.

After about 30 Pani-puri the boy gave up. 

The girl was also full, but to defeat her boyfriend, she ate one more and shouted, "You lose."

The bill was Rs 120/-

Moral of the Story:-
'Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments.

Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment, ROI.

Scaring the hell out of someone


Note: It is not good to play with someone's emotions. Beware, consequences of such things will be very bad

New training location for Indian bowlers


Telugu: Good driver award


Thursday, March 17, 2016

Super insults

The Smart answer by a female...

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...
I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

Lady
'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'
😜😜😜

A letter from a teacher to a parent: 

Dear Parent, 
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bath him.

Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him......
😂😂😂
😝😝😝😝😝😝
..................................


Mother to Son: 
Who is Tippu Sultan ?
Son : Don't know 😏
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also 👀
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also 
😝😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
..........................................


A cute excuse:
Teacher-Y r u late?
Student-Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher-so what makes U late if dey were fighting?
Student-one shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..
😂😂😝😜

🎉💐🍻🎭🎷🌾🌾💃😃😜😜😜😂😂😂😂😂👌👌👌👍👍
👆Girl: wat's d price of galaxy grand?? 
Salesman: Rs.18,000/- 
Girl: OMG
Girl: and iphone?? . . 
Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG
Girl: 😨😠😡
Salesman: 😆😝😂


Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday 
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!!  😄😃😜😝
👌😂😜😃😄


Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working. 

Wife: did u drink
Husband : no

Wife:  Idiot then y u r typing on suitcase
😜😂😝🍻👍

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

GOD'S GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR

God was in the process of creating the universe, and he was explaining to his subordinates

'Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels....

Here is the country of the United States . I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity & tension....

And here is Africa . I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America . I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser Land so that they would have to cut off the forests...

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked... 'God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?'

God said........ 'Ahah...that is the crown piece of all.' INDIA ', My most precious creation. 

It has understanding & friendly people Sparkling streams and serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. Technologically brilliant , and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised: 'But God you said everything should be in balance.'

God replied -- 'Look, I have given them.........."Politicians."

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Cellphone Etiquette

 
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes. 

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice

 "Hi Sweetheart, its Vinod, I'm on the Train"
"Yes, I know it's Six thirty and not four thirty, but I had A Long Meeting"
"No, honey, I was not with Preethi from the Accounts Office, I was with the Boss attending the meeting"
"No Sweetheart,
 You're the only one in My life"
"Yes, I'm sure dear".

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the Young Woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
 "Vinod darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Now, Vinod is back from hospital and doesn't use his cell phone in Public Any Longer.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Army interview


Saturday, February 6, 2016

Work pressure

A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around. If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center to take antidotes known as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE) or "Radioactive Unwork Medicine"(RUM) or "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER)  or "Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA) . Please re-post to raise awareness!!! 
Sharing is caring.....😜😜😜

All husbands can enjoy



🔴Wife : Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today . Husband : First make it, we will name it later 

🔴A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

🔴A married man's prayer; 
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
U gave me youth, u took it away. 
U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, 
just reminding u......😂😂😝😝


🔴A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"

Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"
😝😝😝😝
Couldn't stop sharing this one...


🔴Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
 
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
 
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
 
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
 
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
 😎😎😎
 
 🔴Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??
 
Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
😝😝😝
 
 🔴A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
 
Was the necklace FAKE?
 
Nooooo! That was the deal :)
😜😜😜
 
 🔴A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
 
Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.
 
Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.
😁😁😁

🔴Best Slogan on a 
MAN's T-Shirt :
 
"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed"
😳😳😳
..dedicated to all husbands 😛😛😛👏👏👏👌👌👌just for fun only

Friday, January 22, 2016

Forgot wifey's BDay?

Wife (angrily) 
 I don't believe this... 
You forgot my birthday again?? 
How can you do this...??????!!!!!

Husband - 
How can you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look older than last year............

Wife (clears  her throat and smiles )☺
 jaanu Sacchi !!!!!

Husband in his mind 
(sahi time pe dialogue yaad aa gya beta...
warna khatam tha tu aaj)...

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Two things to remember in life


1. ☝First one :
People are not so bad as seen on 'PAN-Card' and 'Aadhar Card'. 
...And are not so good looking as seen in 'facebook' and 'whatsapp'. 😉

2. ✌Second one : 
Men are not as bad as their wives think.
...And not as good as their Mothers think.
☺😄😃😀😊☺😉
Male criteria for life partner...
They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and
Work like" Shanta Bai..."
😘
Females' criteria for life partner.... They expect their man to earn like ...Ambani  & behave like Manmohan Singh.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Advertisements and their true sense


Woman Driving - no offense meant 😊

When ever I find a female driver in front of me, I do not know why I get "Chak de India" feeling....


Isne left ka indicator diya hai...yeh left mudegi...par nahin iska face toh right ki taraf hai....yeh right mudegi....

Par isney toh beech rastey main lipstick nikali hai....

Yah Khuda yeh toh break maregi!!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

We Indians Are Unique


1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.😱 😡 😜

2. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.😏

3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport / railway stn) is an important family affair.😎😄 

4. We thrive on street food and we don't get sick.😉

5. Every Indian mother has 2 careers - Working / Housewife + Match Making.😂😜

6. Indian girls have 3 type of brothers. Real brother, Cousin brother, Rakhee brother.😷   

7. The bride must cry at her Vidai. She has no business looking happy.👩😢

8. We go on cleaning sprees only when we have guests coming over.😂😂

9. However old we are, our parents need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses.  No exemption.😷 😜

10. When Indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12 Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!
😁

11. If we live in another city and don't call our Mom daily , she’ll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.😜👦👧😜

12. No other nationality can beat Indians in bargaining. “Chalo bhaiya . Na tera na mera. Itne paise theek hain.”
😅

13. No matter if we are Convent educated. 
When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, swear words in our mother tongue.
🙊🙉🙈

14. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door. But the female runs for her dupatta.😂😜

15. Why to change the remote batteries when you can just slap the remote and make it work?
😜

16. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Classification of words

Lower class - Biskut
Middle class - Biskit
Upper class - Cookies

Lower class - Roomal
Middle class - Hankie
Upper class - Kerchief

Lower class - tamaatar
Middle class - Ta'may'to
Upper class - Toh'mah'toh

Lower class - Sauce
Middle class - Ketchup
Upper Class - Toh'mah'toh Condiment

Lower class - Lifafa
Middle class - En've'lope
Upper class - On'vo'lup

Lower class - Nimbu Paani/Shikanji
Middle class - Lemonade
Upper class - Virgin Mojito

Lower class - "Paint"
Middle class - Jeans
Upper class - Denims

Lower class - Chasma
Middle class - Goggles
Upper class - Shades

Upper class : May I have two lattes please. Regular. 
Middle class : Can I have two cups of tea.
Lower class : Abbé pintu, do chai leke aa

Religion: Reality


History!