Banking

A typical day at the whiteHouse

Letter to god

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God , INDIA , they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30 as tax ... "

Nice try

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.

The sign says:

'SEX FROGS' - Only $2 each!
Comes with 'complete' instructions.

The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'

As the man packs the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions! ' The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions & reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY as specified:

1. Take a shower
2. Splash on some nice perfume
3. Slip into a very sexy night dress
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens!
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.

She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'

So, she calls the pet store. The man says, 'I'll be right over.'
Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'

The man . .. . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:

'LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONE ... MORE ... TIME!!!'

The Black Hole

See the guts

On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nations were traveling with their Trainee guys. They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts.

The American PM called for one of his men and told him to jump off and take around swimming around the moving ship. The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, "See the guts!" *

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds around the moving ship. The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the
German PM said, "See the guts!" *

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds. The Trainee promptly replied, "Why the hell should I ??? You do that" The PM proudly said, ** "See the guts!" **

Clarity in Instructions...

OFFICE MEMO:

May all members of staff please note that there will Only be one drink per person at this year's Annual Party.

And please bring your own cup !

Regards,
Management

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And what happened at the annual party !!! (Scroll down)
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The specifications were missing in the memo ( size of cup)

Moral of the story : Be very specific in your daily life including project work. Give proper specifications

Creative Invite

Balakrishna New film climax……….

Balayya,the batsman needs to score 10 runs of 1 ball……………

Bowler bowls it and balayya hits with tremendous power…………..the ball splits into "TWO"

1 half goes to SIX….The other half goes to FOUR………….

Balayya WINS match……………………………..

Cheers to Ballayya.........

Engineers Rock

After 12th in CET only one question was there as fill in the blanks,

Q: If a girl is fainted which part of her body will you touch ?

PU_S_

Those who wrote PULSE got admission to medical

rest are given admission in ENGINEERING..........


Engineers Rock !!!

Celebrate Reading ... Celebrate Life...

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after Another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he Immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to Bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would Know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his Bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, The engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine Was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.

"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer...... ................. $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap.......... ......... ...... $ 9,998.00

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the Difference

If God wants to ...

Amazing Theorem .......

Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====

To Conclude:

>From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Things we should do while RDC slowness

http://www.multimedia.cz/pf2008/index_en.html

IT Life

A good story for all of us to follow in our careers and social life...........very true

Once upon a time a Washerman was bringing up two donkeys.

Let us say Donkey-A and Donkey-B.

Donkey-A felt it was very energetic and could do better than the other. It always tried to pull the washerman's attraction over it by taking more load and walking fast in front of him.

Innocent Donkey-B is normal, so it will walk normal, irrespective of the washerman's presence. After a period of time, Washerman started pressurising Donkey-B to be like Donkey-A. But Donkey-B unable to walk fast got continuous punishment from washerman. It was crying and told personally to Donkey-A "Dear friend, only we two are here, why to compete with each other.... we can carry equal load at normal speed ".

That made Donkey-A all the more energetic and next day it told to washerman that it can carry more load and even it can run fast also.

Obviously happier washerman looked at Donkey-B...., his BP raised and he started kicking Donkey-B. Next day with smile, Donkey-A carried more load and started running fast. But it was breathtaking for Donkey-B and it couldn't act that way.... But the washerman was frustrated, so he harassed Donkey-B terribly, and finally it fell down hopelessly.

Then Donkey-A felt itself as a supremo and happily started carrying more load with great speed. But now the Load of the Donkey-B is also being carried by Donkey-A., and still it has to run fast. For some period it did, finally due to fatigue it got tired and started feeling the pain. But washerman expected more from Donkey-A. It also tried best, but couldn't cope up with his owners demand. The Washerman got angry with Donkey-A also and started harassing to take more load... Donkey-A was crying for long time and then tried its best... But it couldn't meet the owner's satisfaction. Finally the day came when due to frustration the washerman killed Donkey-A and went for searching some other Donkeys.

It's an endless story...........

But the moral of the Story in Corporate and social life is...

"Think all colleagues are same and that everyone is capable.... Always Share the Load equally… Don't ever act smart in front of your Boss and never try for getting over-credit...

Don't feel happy when ur colleague is under pressure.. "

It doesn't matter if u r A or B, for the boss you will always be a DONKEY!!!

Uff these kids !!

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother."I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=

A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.

"Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !"Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"

"OH MAMA, IT'S PRESIDENT OBAMA!"

A hilarious blog on the American presidential campaign by Melvin Durai :

As the results trickled in, the tears trickled down. Millions of faces glistened with tears on election night. There were tears of joy, as many Americans celebrated Barack Obama's historic victory; tears of sorrow, as many Americans lamented John McCain's loss; tears of gratitude, as many Americans got down on their knees and thanked God that the presidential race was finally over.

"No more negative ads, no more debates, no more promises they can't keep!" screamed a 40-year-old Detroit man, running into the street in jubilation. "And no more red and blue maps on TV!"

For African-Americans, especially those who had lived through the Civil Rights Era, it was a once-in-ten-lifetimes occasion, one that seemed unimaginable just a couple of years ago. "I don't believe it, I just don't believe it," said an 80-year-old Chicago man, rubbing his eyes. "A black man in the White House! And he's not carrying a broom!"

So surreal was the moment that many Obama supporters attending a victory rally in Chicago turned to their friends and said, "Pinch me. I must be dreaming." There was so much pinching during the night that Chicago Police received reports of 38 missing wallets.

"It was a night of inspiration," said Chicago Mayor Richard Daley. "While Senator Obama and his many supporters were chanting, 'Yes, we can,' a few crooks were also saying, 'Yes, we can.'"

It wasn't just the crooks causing trouble. At least one woman slapped the man beside her, screaming, "I didn't tell you to pinch me THERE!"

But nothing could spoil the night for Obama supporters, nothing could detract from a terrific speech by the soon-to-be 44th President of America, who is slightly more eloquent than the 43rd.

Obama's speech was so magnificent that it even moved a group of Penn State students gathered at a bar in State College, Pennsylvania. "We were so inspired," said junior Mike Williams. "Every time Obama said, 'Yes, we can,' we took another sip."

McCain's concession speech was just as inspiring, full of grace and class, leaving many of his supporters saying "If only."

Supporter: "If only he had made more appearances on Saturday Night Live."

Second supporter: "If only he had picked Joe the Plumber as his running mate."

Third supporter: "If only he had dyed his skin black."

That Obama's skin color was seen by some as an advantage -- and not the formidable obstacle it was expected to be -- is a testament of how much America has changed. Indeed, when young white voters were shown a picture of Obama and asked if he was different from them in any way, 63 percent of them pointed at his ears. They were referring, of course, to the fact that Obama is considered a good listener. It's a quality that endeared him to many female voters. "Too bad he isn't single," one woman said. "I would have voted for him several more times."

Just a few decades ago, African-Americans had to sit at the back of the bus, had to order their food through the back door of the restaurant, had to kowtow to the white folk. Now they're sending one of their own to the whitest of houses.

No wonder a 92-year-old African-American woman in a Cleveland nursing home took her own pulse while watching the Obama victory rally on TV.

"Are you okay?" a nurse asked.

"I'm fine," the woman replied. "For a moment, I thought I had died and gone to heaven."

Balakrishna and his wonderful ideas

Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair...Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair...



ere is our hero's brother...The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls..hehee. .


Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor...This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'....This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'...





The shells triggered Balakrishna' s brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells...




Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb... The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking....See the weird buttons on the bomb??...The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'.. .Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...




Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his _expression. ..Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet!!...


Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Kappalandi.. .The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on...



He concentrates with the shell between his teeth....Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating. ..With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb...






Loo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army....The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the green button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother!!....
I can't still stop laughing גabsolutely rocking!!!!!

Things You Might Not Have Known !!!!!! Interesting.............

1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

2.A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

3.Your stomach has to produce a new layer of muscles every two weeks or it will digest itself.

4.The dot over the letter "i" is called a title.

5.Most lipstick contains fish scales.

6.The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public Libraries.

7.Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

8. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

9.40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

10.The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

11.315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.

12.Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

13.On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.!

14.Chocolate kills dogs. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.

15.Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.

16.Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedo-ing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

17.Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

18.Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

19.During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing.

20. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in First Class.

21.Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

22.The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

23. Upper and lower case letters are named "upper" and "lower" because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.

24.There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

25.There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

26.The numbers "172" can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.

27.There are 4 cars and 11 light posts on the back on the US 10 dollar bill.

28.Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. It also took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

29.If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

30.Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

31. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

32.The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

33.By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

34.In Gulliver's Travels, Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.

35. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

36.Every person has a unique eye & tongue print.

37.An old law in Bellingham , Washington , made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

38. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

39.A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

40. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!!

Top ten flirting tips of all times

Flirting is an art at which the best among us might sometimes flounder.

Here are ten surefire tips that you just can't go wrong with!

10. Flirting is an attitude:
A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive — it works!

9. Start a conversation:
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.

8. Have fun:
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous

7. Use props:
Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting ties, hats or an interesting book or newspaper.

6. Be the host:
Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you're the welcome committee.

5. Make the first move:
Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello.

4. Listen:
You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

3. Eye contact:
Make eye contact, but please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than a few seconds) and then glance away. Don't stare — it's a turn off.

2. Compliment:
Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment, the best response is a simple "Thank you!"

1. Smile:
It's contagious. Smiling makes you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you.

Passport Check

Not a Joke: School Bus in India

The Arab Story

An Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to the neighboring states.

Finally a Gujarati was located who had a similar type of blood. The Gujarati willingly donated his blood for the Arab and the surgery went through.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds, jewelry, and half a million US dollars.

Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Gujarati who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Gujarati a thank you card and a box of almond halwa (sweets). The Gujarati was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate the Gujarati's kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him "This time also I thought that you would give me some thing like a Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewelry. But you gave only a card and a box of almond sweets.

To this the Arab replied "Can't help it, Bapu..... Now I have Gujju blood in my veins!!"

Just a forward

Klueless

http://www.iimi-iris.com/iris%2D2008/klueless/

Chandrayaan in Troubles?

Job Change

Mathematic Magic

Try it and you will be surprised to see the result.

259 X ( Ur age) X 39 =?