Incredible India

We live in a nation where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and Sim Card is free.

Pizza reaches home faster than Ambulance and Police.

Car loan @ 5% but education loan @ 12%.

Students with 45% get in elite institutions thru quota system and those with 90% get out because of merit.

2 IPL teams are auctioned at 3300 crores and we are still a poor country where people starve for 2 meal per day.

Assembly complex buildings are getting ready within one year while public transport bridges alone takes several years to be completed.

THINK ABOUT IT.

INCREDIBLE INDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is What Our Country Name Has to Change Officially From India to

India Private Limited ( Another IPL... Could be Successful)

As here our Politicians running the all the Business through their Relatives & friends. which Increases the Gap between Poor & Rich Person

Resume - Please refer if you come through any opportunity

Resume
Balakrishna Nandamuri Email: killthepeople@suicide.com
Phone: +910000000000

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Career Object : To make the audience run away from theaters.

Preofessio'nil' Experience:

· 30 years in Telugu Industry.

· Junior Artist - 1974 (with 1 hit, 9 flops)

· Side role- 1979(14 flops)

· Lead role- 1986- till date( 4 hits, 44 flops)

Acting Skills:

· Stop Moving Trains, Killing People with Cocks(Palnati brahmanaidu),

· Climbing Mt. Everest with out any Help (Vijayendra varma),

· Shooting a bullet from mouth (Allari pidugu),

· Playing with current (Okka magadu), etc.

Expected CTC: Min. 5 crores for each film

Achievements: World Record, Limca Record and Pepsi Record in flops

Role Model: My Self and Captain Vijayakanth,the Telugu Tiger of Tamil Nadu

Project Details:
1. Bike riding on ground to running Train and go to Pakistan from India with Parachute only.
2. Climbing any mountain with hands.
3. Pulling chair front and sending train back without touching it.

Leadership Skills:

· Led 12564 hens and cocks to attack the enemies and won the battle.

Special Attraction:
1. Shoot People not only in movie, but outside also

2. Having laser eyes. (Kanti Chuputho champaysatha)

3. Senseless talking in functions, interviews

4. Hitting thigh (Thoda Kottadam)

Personal Details:

Name: BalakrishNA

Age : 30yrs in Industry
Weight: I Dont know Exactly(Mission Not Working......Showing Display As "Weight LIMIT OVER".)
Sex: Interested
Hobbies: I am Not a Man to have Hobbies

Finally 2 Days Back, Sending This Resume to US Govt. with Ref. Barak Obama for the post of Chief Investigation Officer, FBI.

Presently Thinking and Waiting for the Call.................!

Conclusion:

Balayya went to a library and asked for a book "Psycho The Rapist".

The Librarian searched for hours and came back ...slapped Balayya and said,

"Idiot, the book is called Psychotherapist ".

SMS Jokes on Balayya

These are the latest SMSes in circulation on Balayya as ‘Simha’ release is coming nearer. This is the shadow publicity that the film is getting and the inside sources say that ‘Simha’ is going to rock. Here are the SMSes:

Ticket Seller: Boss , no one is ready to buy tickets for Balakrishna SIMHA .
Owner: Sell it at Rs.1 each
Ticket Seller: Boss we will not get any profit.
Owner: Once they entered into theater, after 10 mins Start selling "EXIT" tickets at Rs.200 :)
___________________________________

JR NTR: Babai, 2day I got a different Msg. Den my mobile got switched off.
BAA:Amazing, whats dat msg??
JR NTR: Battery low.....
BAA: Wow nice Naku forward chey :)
___________________________________

BAA: Eroju nenu oka manchi pani chesanu, chima water lo padite tessanu.
JR NTR. Bathikinda
BAA: Water baga tagesindi ani potta nokkanu....chanchindi :)
___________________________________

Once a donkey kicked BAA and ran away.
BAA: Started chasing and found a Zebra n started beating n saying "DRESS MARISTHE GURTHUPATTALENA?"
___________________________________

NASA sent balayya to Moon..BAA got into the rocket, after going half the way BAA jumped back shouting "Idiots, 2day is AMAVASYA, There will be no moon :)

Friendship

We make so many FRIENDS,
Some become Dearest,
Some become Special,
Fall in LOVE with someone,
Some go abroad,
Some change their cities,
Some left US,
We left Some,
Some are in contact,
Some are not in contact,
Some don't contact because of their EGO,
We don't contact some because of OUR EGO,
Whatever they were,
We still REMEMBER,
LOVE, MISS, CARE for THEM,
Because of the part they played to make MEMORIES.
Its friendship.. .....
When a person calls u by a stupid name and never by ur own name.....
When they always get angry, whenever u tell them that u r busy and cant reply...
When they tell u everything about themselves even if its embarrassing. ..
When they come to c u, whenever they get a chance....
When u argue with each other on stupid things and then end up laughing....

Friends

They love you,

but they are not your lover

They care for you,

but they are not from your family

They are ready to share your pain,

but they are not in your blood relation .

They are........FRIENDS! !!!!

True friend ...... .

Scolds like a DAD..

Cares like a MOM..

Teases like a SISTER...

Irritates like a BROTHER..

And finally loves U more than a LOVER.

Hilarious Appraisal Process !!!

The Art of Appraisal
 
Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
 
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?
 
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
 
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
 
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
 
Kumar: What???
 
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
 
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing. 
 
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
 
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*
 
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
 
Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?
 
Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
 
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
 
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
 
Kumar: *head spinning*
 
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
 
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
 
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
 
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
 
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
 
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.
 
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
 
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
 
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
 
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
 
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
 
Kumar: *faints*

Engineer vs MBA

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see", The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"
 

The MBA ponders for a minute:

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically , it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. 

Time wise , it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically , it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically , it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks.

"Practically... it tells me that someone has stolen our tent".

Telugu Joke: Animal feelings on heroes

Proud to be Tiger

Proud to be Cheetah

Bihar Driving License Application

============ ========= =========  
DRIVING LICEN APPLIKASON PHOROM 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bhottom applikason.

1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex:____ Male_____ Phimale_____ not sure_____not applicable

5. Chappal Size:____ Lepht____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) Houze-wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the houzehold:__ _

8. Number that are yours:___

9. Mather name:_______ _________ _______

10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no, leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______

(** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS.

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand.. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.
 
WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS!!!

Nothing has changed

Life is beautiful!!!

20 years back - School bag.
Today - Office bag.

20 years back - Navneet Note book.
Today - HP Note book.

20 years back - Hero Ranger.
Today - Hero Honda.

20 years back - Playing with plastic car running on battery and remote.
Today - Playing with metal car running on petrol and gear.

20 years back - Scared of Teachers and exams.
Today - Scared of Bosses and targets.

20 years back - Wanting to be class topper.
Today - Wanting to be 'Employee of the month'.
 
20 years back - Quarterly exams.
Today - Quarterly results.

20 years back - Annual School Magazine.
Today - Company Annual Report.

20 years back - Annual exams.
Today - Annual appraisals.

20 years back - Pocket money.
Today - Salary.

20 years back - Waiting for Diwali crackers.
Today - Waiting for Diwali bonus.

20 years back - Running after grades and prize cups.
Today - Running after incentives and promotions.

20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market.
Today - Craving for the latest gadget in the market

20 years back - Eager to watch the latest cartoon show.
Today - Eager to watch the latest blockbuster.

20 years back - Fruity.
Today - Brandy.

20 years back - Crush on class mate.
Today - Crush on colleague.

So essentially nothing has changed

How To Identify Different Citizens Of India

Scenario 1

Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.

That's MUMBAI
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Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.

You are definitely in PUNJAB !!!
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Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up.

That's DELHI
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Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
A guy comes along and quietly opens a Chai-stall.

That's AHMEDABAD
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Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. He writes a software program to stop the fight.
But the fight doesn't stop because of a virus in the program.

That's BANGALORE
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Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense.

Peace settles in...

That's CHENNAI
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Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.

You are in KOLKATA
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Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house and says, "don't fight in front of my place, go zum where else and keep fighting".


That's KERALA !
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And the best one is ....

Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends.


You are in GOA !!!

Technological Obsession

Engineer's Logic