Johnny

1. Red and shiny the teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question,” What is bright red and shiny?”

Little Johnny jumped up and shouted "A fire engine!!!!???" No! No!" said the teacher, “But I like the way you think”. Anyone else?

Little Susan replied that it was an apple and everyone was happy except Johnny of course. Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can ask a question to which she nodded OK. "What is long, hard, rounded and has hair at one end?" JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE."

Johnny replied, "No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you think"...

2. Confused Little johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that Johnny is having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls , and would his mother ,"please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this ?"

So johnny's mother takes him by the hand , upstairs to her bedroom , and closes the door. "First , Johnny , you take off my blouse...." so he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.. "Ok , now take off my skirt...." ..and he takes off her skirt.. "Now take off my bra...."...which he does.. "and now , Johnny , please take off my panties.."

...and when Johnny finishes removing those , she says…………

"Johnny , PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school again!"

3. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well , the answer is 4", said the teacher , "but I like the way you are thinking ."

Little Johnny retaliated. "I have a question for you now.
If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

4. Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday , I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and -" The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word ! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

Father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But why?" he croaks. "Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me."

"Well," said little Johnny , "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her..." "...and they did just what you did last week, Mommy, with Uncle Bob".

5. One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?

"Milk !" answered Little Johnny
"No , I'm sorry . That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water,"explained the teacher .

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"

6. Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked How much is 2x3? I said 6. "But that's right!"

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?

"What's the fucking difference ?"
"That's exactly what I said ."

7. Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love. "Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!"

8. Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other ."Dad, what're the dogs doing ?" asks Johnny . "Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated."

"Okay , I've understood ." "What've you understood!?" asks the father sarcastically .

"Never relax in your life , dad , or you'll get fucked like a dog

9. Johnny's parents were out of town once and so they asked that young female teacher to stay for that time in their house. Before going to bed Johnny says to her "Oh, please,
I'm so afraid to be by myself, please, sleep in my bed."

She agrees, they go to bed. In the morning she wakes up to find a big hairy chested man in her bed. She exclaims: "Johnny? Where is Johnny?!!!"

"Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is that the little boy selling the tickets?"